Wow! I cannot believe it's been over a month since my last post. Well, yes, I guess I can. In the past month I have moved back to Austin, set up camp at my parents house, endured a week with my boyfriends parents, and started my graduate classes. Let me tell you, I seriously hate to pack and move and it was so stressful. It took two trips, and luckily Kurt was so sweet to help out. We went back the next day and scrubbed the place clean from top to bottom. My room is here is still in progress. I have no more boxes to empty, but it's time to find a place for everything to go. I know that the longer I'm here, the more settled I'll become and before I know it, it'll be time to move again. My graduate classes started yesterday.. they're all online, so I admit I'm a little intimidated by it, but hopefully I can dive right in and really make it through. I'm sure I'll post more later, but right now I'm going to get some stuff done!

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; no lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy hungers, feed him; If he thirsts, give him a drink; For in doing so you will heap coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I feel amazing today!! I just feel like a completely different person with an overwhelming amount of love in my heart for my wonderful man! I feel truly content in my own skin.. like God's love and blessings are just pouring down on me.

Change can sometimes be a scary thing, but I really think it's necessary. Let me preface this entry by once again confessing that I am more than madly in love with my boyfriend Kurt, and think he is the absolute my wonderful, gentle, caring, loving man in the world and I am truly blessed to have him in my life. Now having said that, I sometimes can be really mean to him, and I don't even understand why! Sometimes after we've talked on the phone or had a conversation, I sit down and think my goodness, what possessed me to act this way or I realize how some of things I say are not so nice. This is the man I love!!! so I don't know why I act this way. I'm so sweet to him in text, but not in person. How messed up is that!? I know that I need to change. I need to change the way I listen, the way I speak, the way I react, the way act. I need to reach deep in my heart and truly treat him the way he deserves to be treated. He has proven to me countless times that there is not another girl in the world that he would rather spend his time with than me, and pretty much treats me like an angel all the time. He deserves that too!! He is so good to me that sometimes I wonder what I did for God to bless me this way. I wonder why he continues to treat me well when he could be a total jerk because I deserve that. So I'm going to pray that God can help me to change my behavior, so that my sweet, sweet man continues to be sweet. I hate so much that I am standing in the way of having the best possible relationship I can with Kurt. We both deserve it.

Sometimes I don't think I credit Kurt enough. He is possibly the world's most wonderful man.. ever, besides my father and my grandfathers. He has such a kind heart and demeanor with me. He puts up with my craziness and is so patient. He's never gotten angry or upset with me, well maybe once, but I deserved it. He is always so sweet and loving. I am truly blessed to have such an amazing man in my life. I know that God had His eye out for me after all I've been through. He has most definitely taken care of me, and I could not be happier. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my best friend!

I've always been the kind of girl that thought who needs friends when you have family? Maybe I'm crazy for thinking that way, but I've noticed that I don't have a single friend now that I had when I was a child or feel like I have a single friend now period. I know people. I know lots of people. The only consistent people in my life are my parents, my siblings and Kurt. And they really don't have a choice in the matter. Well, Kurt, does, but I don't think he'd leave me. And of course there's his sister, who does grow on me everytime we hang out. Sometimes I just think it's a little much, but then I step back and realize I do a lot of the same things she does, so that's probably why it bugs me so much or I notice it. But other than that, I find it really hard to maintain friendships. I feel like everyone I meet is more interested in what party is going on this weekend than just spending time talking or hanging out. I've always been way more chill and waaayyy more anti-social than everyone I hung around. I feel kind of disappointed in my friendship with a girl from work. It was her birthday on the 27th and I've seen pictures from her birthday dinner that I wasn't invited to. It made me realize that we were probably never that great of friends in the first place, and we hung out because we worked together and it was more opportunistic than really anything else. It makes me wonder who will be in my wedding and what friends I'll have once I'm married. I mean, I don't really need anyone but my family and Kurt. They make me happy enough, and they're dependable and reliable and never give me shit for not drinking and staying in rather than being a social butterfly.. because that's not me, and it makes me feel like a stranger in my own skin. I cannot wait to find people who are at the same stage in their life as I am to be friends with. I feel like it's a completely lost cause being in college and trying to find that. I get along better with people 20 years older than me than I do with people my own age, and sometimes that's even a failure. Oh well, as long as I have the people in my life that really matter, I couldn't be much happier than a clam in some mud. Unlike some people, I happen to love my life.

You'll take a big step today in moving forward and past something you've been caught up in.


The other evening I had an awkward dinner with Kurt's family and his mother pretty much made herself look like an idiot. Unfortunately, I've been dwelling on it for the few days since then and really dislike that. I want to be done with it. What was said, was said and that's that. She apologized, and while I appreciate that she apologized to Kurt, I feel that I am due an apology also. Having said that, I don't think that what I said demands apology because I was defending myself and my man. I had to stand up for myself and the UNBORN children I will have (last time I checked, I'm not married therefore will NOT be having children until then, and probably not til much later). Anyway, now that it's written down, I will not be told where to live.. by anyone but Kurt. It will be a civil and compromising process and we will find a house in an area that is convenient for US not for our families. Sorry. 

So I didn't just save 300 dollars by switching to Progressive, or even get engaged last night, but my wonderful, fabulous, AMAZING boyfriend surprised me with a tiny blue box last night. I wish he would have taken a picture of my face because I'm pretty sure I looked a little terrified. I had just come over to watch the conclusion on The Andromeda Strain, and he was eating BBQ and very nonchalantly said there's something for you over here under my hat. I was like wtf? What hat? So I found the little box, and was in pretty much disbelief. I opened it really slow and carefully and inside was Tiffany's 1837 ring that I've been wanting forever! I love it, and immediately switched it out for my Texas State ring. I'm going to have to figure out how to balance wearing both! I absolutely love it, and it was so sweet of Kurt to do that for me because he totally didn't have to. I might have joked about it, but was never truly serious.

The teeth are gone, the stitches are still in and they are driving me crazy, and my jaw is still a little sore. I feel like I need to bite down on a teething ring really hard to make it stop. I go back to the oral surgeon on Thursday for a follow up, and since I'll be in Austin, I'm going to my sister's 5th grade graduation. It really does seem like yesterday that she was a baby, constantly being carried around by one of us. It makes me feel old at the wonderful age of 23. I finally got to spend some quality time with Kurt yesterday. All weekend I was cooped up in my parents house, and was pretty much going crazy. I relied pretty heavily on the pain meds on Friday, but really tried to stay off of them for the rest of the weekend. It was nice to just lay on Kurt's couch and watch tv and enjoy a smoothie from Sonic with him. His sister and her husband stopped by on their way home to drop off some BBQ they had got Kurt for watching his sister's parakeet. You'd think they could just take it with them, but no. Oh well. I told him that hopefully our relationship will wean his sister off of him. 

Yesterday, Kurt was acting kind of strange.. like something was up. I first noticed it when we went on the BMW drive and he noticed another girls engagement ring. And then yesterday while I was gathering my things up at the house, he was like uh.. I'm going outside cause it's kind of cold in the house. The house wasn't that cold, but I didn't really think anything of it until I went outside and my dad had pulled all the weeds out of the crack in the driveway and kept saying he was nervous. Then we get to Kurts house and he keeps looking at me, not that I mind him looking at me, but he's like looking very deeply at me like he wants to say something or has something up his sleeve. Then he asks me what I'm doing the next few days, but not in like a normal way. It was very what are you doing tomorrow, what are you doing wednesday and so on. Inquisitive. He tried to play it off as wanting to know when he'd get to see me next, but he's never really like that. And I can respect the fact that we have missed each other a bunch, but we've gone longer without seeing each other and he hasn't acted like that. So I think somethings going on, and I don't like not knowing. I told him the other day that I don't like surprises and he replied, well how are we ever going to get married then!? I told him that's not the surprise, the engagement is the surprise and he said Exactly. So I don't know. It's kind of soon, we've only been together 4 months, but I know in my heart that whenever I do get married it will be to him.

So I don't always think that the grass is greener on the other side, but definitely greener the next day. Yesterday, I was a wreck. Very emotional, high strung and frustrated. Today, has been wonderful. I got my teeth cleaned this morning, and I think I can honestly say I'm one of very few people that actually enjoy having a hygienist scrape my teeth with a little metal pick. I really do love it. I have no cavities, and definitely need to have my wisdom teeth removed. I don't think having them has made me any wiser, so maybe that will come when they're gone. I also got my new cell phone today, and it's awesome! So much better than that crappy little free thing I've been using for about four months. Plus.. it's pink! Tomorrow I have to get up and call the oral surgeon and schedule a consultation appointment, then schedule surgery. I also have to schedule an oil change at the Mazda dealership, and lastly, I'm going to meet with an advisor about this whole teaching thing and see what I kind of action plan I can come up with. The more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards getting my masters.. I'm just worried about paying for it and where I would live. So that's a question I have.. can this be done in Round Rock, which is where I'll be living. I'm sure that all my questions will be answered tomorrow. Maybe I should write them down. I should also go walking, too. Maybe I'll try walking in the evening since I'll need to make all these phone calls in the morning. I have to stay ahead of Kurt! 

Books I'd like to purchase:

Family First by Dr. Phil
Fabulosity by Kimora Lee Simons
The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook by Ina Garten
Everyday Italian by Giada De Laurentiis